This year, I did something I never did before.

I set a cutoff date to reintroduce myself. Not for anyone but for me. 

For so long, I conditioned my identity on an ideal, places, expectations and people who I thought would ride and die with me.

But expectations hurt. Feelings oscillate. People change.  Life happens.  Ideals evolve and places disappear.

Reintroducing me was never a maybe. It was a must. I know I must do it to live fully.

To thrive and succeed.

To fly.

To forgive myself for navigating a world I’m trying to explore for the first time ever.

To admit my mistakes. 

To know and accept that my experiences shaped me for good.

To know I’m human and will never be perfect.

To show myself grace and mercy.

To accept life. To live fully.

To speak up even if my voice shakes.

To know I left no stone unturned and to move forward into greatness.

I cannot remember where but a while back, I saw an interesting question somewhere. Someone asked “how would you introduce yourself if you do not have to talk about your job, your qualifications and any of your achievements?

Who are you?

Who am I?

To a large extent, who I am is somewhat tied to what goes on in my head. I remember when I put up Una carta a mi misma, the long letter I wrote to myself. One of my girls called me. She asked how I was able to formulate such. “What was going through your head?” she asked.

The answer is: alot. A lot goes through my head to show that I can think, and as such, I am me.

But again, who am I?

Well, I am a girl who sees words as concrete floors. I do not hear you or what you say. I imagine your speech as building blocks that lay flat and prevent me from falling into the quicksand below.

I am a girl who does not see challenges. I see a maze. The only thing I am thinking of is how I will navigate my way through the mysterious setup and make it safe.

I am a girl who doesn’t embrace growth, what I see is feeding my soul. Feeding my soul with contents that will make me rise and stand tall as a giant.

I am girl who sees my relationships as home. A home that’s always open and will accept me daily no matter what happens.

I am a girl who doesn’t think about showing up. What I see is how I put one foot before the other while hurting because I know the hurt is what refines me to survive.

I am a girl who doesn’t see rookie mistakes for what they are. What I see is a child on a ship for the first time trying to navigate her storms so she can make it safely to shore.

I am a girl who doesn’t believe in the feeling of love. What I see is the feeling of choosing and opening the window to your home and soul so light can flow through.

I am a girl who stopped believing in kindness. What I ask instead is if one takes a dagger and breaks you down, they’ll still find kindness there.

I am that girl. A girl who wears so many hats.

I am Rukkie.

I am my name, Ujeinijobog. A name that means I have to give the world the best of me, every single time.