Today was one of those days I wasn’t cooperating with myself.

 It’s like my body said, not today Rukkie. Take some rest.

It unleashed everything it thought would make me feel better. To rest and hibernate. 

But it’s Wednesday, meaning it’s Mirrors and Reflections Day! And I already promised myself that I’d put my blog post up, even if heaven falls.

To be honest, I think my body knew what I needed. Today wasn’t a great day. But it was a day. A good one. Or so I thought.

My sister’s call came through. After talking about how I was feeling, she told me how I needed to be easy on myself.  “You’re only human,” she said. “You make mistakes. We all do, so it’s okay.”

That lifted my spirit. And as I was heading to the train station, I saw a squirrel. The poor thing wanted to cross the road. I panicked, thinking an oncoming vehicle would hit it. It ran back and forth between cars before retreating to where it came from.

I felt terrible.  I wished I could help. But I understood. 

Sometimes, life makes us take steps back, especially after exhausting all options to move forward.

Amazing how animals know this too, right?

That lesson stayed with me as I got home and prepared to write my post. But unlike other days when I knew what I wanted to write about, today was different.

I was blank.

Blank.

My mind was a true tabula rasa. A blank slate.

I’ve never had brain fog or writer’s block before.

But in hindsight, I think I saw this coming. Maybe I was preparing for this moment all along.

A few months ago, I started my blog. I had a vision, a dream I committed myself to and a promise to post every Wednesdays no matter how hard it got.

Even though I kept the promise, today tested me.

But I was born ready.

When I first began, I made a list of topics I’d love to write about someday. Funny how I never used it since I started writing in June.

As I scanned through the list, it suddenly hit me!

I had prepared myself for this moment without even knowing it.

Just like I did in 2020.

Before I moved to Canada, I sent my future self an email. I picked a random date in 2022 and told future Rukkie things to let her know she’s got her own back.

2022 came and tested me. It almost broke me.

I remember that day vividly.  I was on my bed crying when my phone lit up with the subject line “Hello from the past.”

I read the email, wondering who sent me a message I so desperately needed to hear. It wasn’t until the sign-off that I realized it was me. I had written it two years earlier.

I got emotional, thinking about how nice it was to have my own back.

But beyond that, I learned something a close friend once told me: You prepare for war during peace.
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War, and I don’t mean literal war, is bound to happen whether personally or relationally. And your peace-time preparations are what will see you through.

So, to what extent are you ready?

Maybe that’s what today was really about.

Not about writing something new but remembering that even when we feel blank or uncertain, the seeds of our strength were planted long ago.

We’ve been preparing, even when we didn’t know it.