I sat in my research methodology class listening to my professor. Then, I heard my name.

“Rukayat!”

“Yes” I answered.

“What do you want to achieve with your thesis?”

“Well, I’d like to change the world. I think it’s important because we have uneven power dynamics between the global north and south. Think of it this way – the latter group inherited rules that they didn’t participate in forming, which is unfair. So, what can we do? What can I do? I know that all animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others. But it shouldn’t be. Context matters, but doing equity is just as important.”

“I like your vision but, you need to realize that there are systems in place. These systems want the status quo preserved. The question I leave to you then is: how will you deal with those systems?”

Professor Devlin’s words have stuck with me ever since my research methodology class in 2021. It’s funny right? I wonder if he knew or remembered how much of an impact he’s had on me and even most importantly, how much impact his words would have 5 years down the line.

Lately, the weather has been messing with me. It’s neither high enough to be called a seasonal depression nor low enough to say I’m in high spirits. It’s weird. I had thoughts I wouldn’t think about on a regular day.

My spirit wasn’t exactly high. I thought about giving up on a lot of things but suddenly, I heard it – ding ding.

It was the call. The call of victory.

“Congratulations!” I heard the other voice say. “You won! You’ve won the battle. You can come for your prize now.”

I was shocked! It was unbelievable. I actually won! A colleague and I decided to fight a big corp. because we felt oppressed. We fought for what was right by us, and they eventually backed down.

It was an amazing feeling! I wished I could call my professor to tell him I was making waves at a micro level.

Suddenly, another call came in. It was the same voice, but this time, it informed me that I had to enter the lion’s den to get my prize.

I wondered if it was safe. “Would the lion devour me?” I thought.

It felt like a double-edged sword. Either the lion devours me or I walk in with pride. Eventually, I decided to do both. I’d walk with fear in one hand and pride in the other.

As I walked into the corporate office of the lion, I saw an assistant. She told me she had my prize but before doing so, she whispered in what sounded almost like a whimper and said, “Thank you.”

“You gave me hope. I came from a small country to Canada, and lost hope in the world until you fought this battle and won. It gives me hope knowing that we can fight and win. So, thank you and congratulations.”

The words of the lion’s assistant sat with me. It made me realize how she was within the system – powerless and chained in a way that all she could do was the lion’s bidding.

Professor Devlin was right. There are systems that exist, so how do I deal with them?

I think my vague answer would be: one step at a time. I plan to deal with them one step at a time.

I took a hard look at my prize. It felt earned. I made it.

My spirit rose and the thought of giving up left me because as long as I live, I’ll continue to fight another day.