I wonder if there are people in the world who see their hair as a crown the way I do.

I believe so. But I also think there are those who don’t. In fact, I was part of the latter group until a few years ago.

So anyone who knows me well enough would know how much I adorn and adore my beautiful kinky afro black 4c hair.

I’m sure my black hair girlies understand because heavens, hair wash day will test and test you! To put it into perspective for those unfamiliar with black hair, my wash days involve a lot of process.

I start by boiling flax seed for some minutes to extract the gel for detangling my hair. Flax seed gel is the absolute truth and a non-negotiable since my hair met this August visitor.

After detangling, I wash my hair with a clarifying shampoo for the first round of shampooing. Shampooing at this point is for cleansing and prepping my hair for the next step.

I later use a rinse out conditioner, and apply my Ayurveda hot oil treatment. This particular step is crucial but also very messy. Imagine finding yourself in a sandy swamp. You get all dirty and murky but hey, I don’t mind because turns out my hair loves dirty and murky.

I leave the Ayurveda hot oil treatment for 3 to 4 hours before rinsing it out. I then use a moisturizing shampoo before deep conditioning. And now comes the fun part – the heat cap!

As a queen with a low-porosity hair, I need heat to open up my hair cuticles. So I have to sit under my heat cap for 30 minutes before getting rid of the deep conditioner. 

And no I’m not done :D!  I have one last step which is (what I’d like to think is but really isn’t) simple. If you guessed protective styles- you’re right! If not, well try again next time!

So I love to keep my hair in braids or twists because I find them easy to care for. However, on this particular wash day, I thought my hair needed some TLC so I went to a salon to have some corn rows done.

I went to a black hair salon and after negotiating the price with the hairdresser, I took off my headscarf (spoiler alert: I’m a Muslim girlie!) and saw the bewildered look on her face.

“What’s the issue” I asked.

“Your hair is a lot. You have a lot of hair.”

“Okay… And?” At this point I was confused. Either she thought I was bald which made no sense because I told her I wanted to make my hair or she probably hasn’t seen a Muslim girl with hair before.

“If I saw your hair, I’d have asked you to pay more.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yes, I had the impression that you had straightened your hair with a hair relaxer. Natural black hair is difficult and hard to manage let alone weaving.”

I thought it was so funny. Here was a Nigerian woman judging my hair. My very beautiful black hair. Our beautiful black hair.

“But I don’t have straight hair and neither do you. So is it really my fault that I have this hair type? Why would you charge me more for a natural feature that we both have? It makes no sense!”

“I’m just telling you what it is…black hair is hard to manage.”

At this point,  I was about to get up and leave but she apologized and said she wouldn’t charge me beyond the price we had agreed on.

After speaking to her about black hair and why I think her view was problematic, I couldn’t help but think: is black hair really unmanageable?

I personally don’t think so. My hair has taught me so much about myself and has also strengthened the values I have come to uphold.

Is it consistency? I have learned about the “C” word and how it breeds results by sticking to my monthly hair care routine.

And I haven’t even mentioned self care! My wash days are the only times I can binge watch a show or a documentary.

There’s also deliberateness and intentionality.  My hair has shown me that nothing good comes easy.

It reflects who I am.

But maybe this goes beyond whether my hair is unmanageable.

It shows why certain views we hold could be the missing piece of the puzzle, as to why our efforts are conditioned and do not yield our desired results.

So no, madam hairdresser, my hair is not unmanageable as you described it.

Like anything in life, it requires a lot of effort, patience and intention, which I’m more than willing to put in.