Why does affirmation feels fake sometimes?

This was the only thought running through Chike’s mind as he hurried to catch the train. He heard the train arrive but missed it by a fraction of a second.

“Not again!”

His thoughts always had a way of over shadowing him. He looked around. Something was off. Unlike before, the subway platform wasn’t filled with people dressed for work. Was he missing something?

The next train eventually arrived and he hurried in. He wondered if showing up to work late would affect his performance review, which he always thought were performative.

People, as he has come to realize, are often non-confrontational so, how could he believe them or the good things they have said about him when his mind said otherwise? Was he good enough? Or were his feelings a Chike problem? Was he failing to see something in himself that others have long seen?

Chike alighted at St. George so he could take the connecting train to his office. Before he did, he caught a glimpse of a little girl reading a book. It was inspiring. Maybe the reading era wasn’t ending after all. Seeing a girl that age read a book was very impressive. It made him think about his own life and wonder whether he had anything worth reading if he published his autobiography. He walked to work, and put on his usual fake smile. But the door was locked.He called his colleagues. No one answered. Then it hit him: it was the weekend. Chike had been drowning in his issues that his mind had started playing tricks on him.

He left angry at himself. He could have stayed home. Could have used his time productively.

He passed a bakery and stared through the window, his stomach tight with hunger.

As he turned to leave, he noticed a group of young students waving at him, smiling. He almost missed them.He forced a smile and wondered what they saw in him. Maybe like his colleagues, they saw in him something he has refused or is unable to see in himself.